June, July, and the first part of August have been such a whirlwind of "what ifs".

Basically, my [brain & heart] are mush.

A lot of self-imposed guilt. A lot of heavy questioning. A lot of not trusting.

Even in moments of peace, and comfort, I still can't grasp this "it doesn't have to make sense" business. And honestly it never will.

And that's okay. I'm not meant to. [We're not meant to.]

Yet, I [seek] to...all the time!

I just have this longing for peace, unity, and fulfillment [for myself & others]. I ache at all the brokenness in & around me. I want to turn back time and [change] circumstances & decisions...But what I really want? Perfection.

I see that.
I know that.
I feel that.

But it's against everything this world is. And against everything this world can be...[Without Christ].

So, what I'm really longing for- I'm really longing for heaven. I'm really longing for Jesus. [Thank the Lord for good, honest friends that remind me of this.]

And these what ifs-

What if I did more.
What if my parents hadn't lost their home.
What if my dad & mom could find great paying jobs.
What if they had everything they needed.
What if we lived down the road from our family.
What if I did more for people.
What if I was more extroverted.
What if I was working a dream job.
What if I wasn't tired all the time.
What if I didn't have doubts.
What if lightening hadn't struck our house, and [from an unrelated problem] the AC unit completely go out...on the [same] night.

I could go on. And on. And on. And I'm sure you could too.

But here's the thing- I don't have to...you don't have to.

We can cling to Him. We can cling to the hope of heaven- the hope of Him & His perfection. The hope that He makes us whole- He fixes the broken. He fixed it on the cross.

We can breathe easy knowing that He has got the world in His hands, and even though it may feel utterly out of control sometimes, He still has it.

And we still have [hope].

So, instead of giving in and seeking these "what ifs", I'm striving [yes, I will fail, and so will you.] to seek the "what is" of life.

What is true.
What is in front of me. [What is behind me.]
What is in me.
What is...Him.

I'm thankful for heavy times, even though they're hard. But I'm also thankful for light times, too. Times that I can cast my cares on Him, rejoice, and choose joy.

Times that I say, "what is..."

So, here's a little [okay, maybe a lot.] of those lovely, light moments over the past few months. They sure have been good for my heart.

I've found a love for stamping!

Road-trips with my boys are always the best.

We can now mow our own lawn!

A weekend of rest & fun at the lake for July 4th was MUCH needed.

Date-nights like this.

Reminders of His truths. [By Frenchpressmornings.]

Concert with the hubs.

Wedding stuff for the best.

Seeing this little cutie.

And her sweet brothers!

Perfect lunch breaks at work.

Cake pops after a horrible day.

Seeing a dear, dear friend!

Celebrating Mel's up-coming marriage.

And throwing a shower for her!

Road-trip with the Momma & Sister to the shower. [And yes, it won't save the rotation...:)]

Sweet, sweet fellowship!

Community Group at St. Elmo Park.

My Young Living Oils & wholesaling guide came in!

A surge protector took the grunt of a lightening strike & saved our electronics...And this guy came out on a Friday night to make sure everything was okay!

Our AC stopped working Friday night, too. We missed getting to go to our sweet, Emery's 1st Birthday. But we took a quick breakfast date that helped ease our stress!