What If.

June, July, and the first part of August have been such a whirlwind of "what ifs".

Basically, my [brain & heart] are mush.

A lot of self-imposed guilt. A lot of heavy questioning. A lot of not trusting.

Even in moments of peace, and comfort, I still can't grasp this "it doesn't have to make sense" business. And honestly it never will.

And that's okay. I'm not meant to. [We're not meant to.]

Yet, I [seek] to...all the time!

I just have this longing for peace, unity, and fulfillment [for myself & others]. I ache at all the brokenness in & around me. I want to turn back time and [change] circumstances & decisions...But what I really want? Perfection.

I see that.
I know that.
I feel that.

But it's against everything this world is. And against everything this world can be...[Without Christ].

So, what I'm really longing for- I'm really longing for heaven. I'm really longing for Jesus. [Thank the Lord for good, honest friends that remind me of this.]

And these what ifs-

What if I did more.
What if my parents hadn't lost their home.
What if my dad & mom could find great paying jobs.
What if they had everything they needed.
What if we lived down the road from our family.
What if I did more for people.
What if I was more extroverted.
What if I was working a dream job.
What if I wasn't tired all the time.
What if I didn't have doubts.
What if lightening hadn't struck our house, and [from an unrelated problem] the AC unit completely go out...on the [same] night.

I could go on. And on. And on. And I'm sure you could too.

But here's the thing- I don't have to...you don't have to.

We can cling to Him. We can cling to the hope of heaven- the hope of Him & His perfection. The hope that He makes us whole- He fixes the broken. He fixed it on the cross.

We can breathe easy knowing that He has got the world in His hands, and even though it may feel utterly out of control sometimes, He still has it.

And we still have [hope].

So, instead of giving in and seeking these "what ifs", I'm striving [yes, I will fail, and so will you.] to seek the "what is" of life.

What is true.
What is in front of me. [What is behind me.]
What is in me.
What is...Him.

I'm thankful for heavy times, even though they're hard. But I'm also thankful for light times, too. Times that I can cast my cares on Him, rejoice, and choose joy.

Times that I say, "what is..."

So, here's a little [okay, maybe a lot.] of those lovely, light moments over the past few months. They sure have been good for my heart.

I've found a love for stamping! 

Road-trips with my boys are always the best. 

We can now mow our own lawn! 

A weekend of rest & fun at the lake for July 4th was MUCH needed. 

Date-nights like this. 

Reminders of His truths. [By Frenchpressmornings.]

Concert with the hubs. 

Wedding stuff for the best. 

Seeing this little cutie. 

And her sweet brothers! 

Perfect lunch breaks at work. 

Cake pops after a horrible day. 

Seeing a dear, dear friend! 

Celebrating Mel's up-coming marriage. 

And throwing a shower for her!

Road-trip with the Momma & Sister to the shower. [And yes, it won't save the rotation...:)]

Sweet, sweet fellowship!

Community Group at St. Elmo Park. 

My Young Living Oils & wholesaling guide came in! 

A surge protector took the grunt of a lightening strike & saved our electronics...And this guy came out on a Friday night to make sure everything was okay! 

Our AC stopped working Friday night, too. We missed getting to go to our sweet, Emery's 1st Birthday. But we took a quick breakfast date that helped ease our stress!

Emery turned ONE! :)

A lovely, little dinner at a place we'd never been. What a relief to get away from our 80 degree house! 

You should go... :) 

There is truly a season for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3 English Standard Version (ESV)

A Time for Everything

3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

The God-Given Task

9 What gain has the worker from his toil? 10 I have seen the business thatGod has given to the children of man to be busy with. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. 12 I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; 13 also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.

14 I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. 15 That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.[a]

May Mundanes

What a month! I can't believe it's almost over. We celebrated. Played. Traveled. Loved. And balanced life the best we could. 

And thankfully, by the grace of God, by Him, we were [able] to. 

And thankfully, He continues to use daily life to teach, mold, & shape us! 

Paul David Tripp's article, Ringing in the New Year, has stuck with me since January and stirs in my heart daily. It stirs my heart for the gospel. It stirs my heart for real-life. And this quote from it perfectly describes our May! It perfectly describes every month. Every day: 

"The fact of the matter is that the transforming work of grace is more of a mundane process than it is a series of a few dramatic events. Personal heart and life change is always a process. And where does that process take place? It takes place where you and I live everyday. And where do we live? We all have the same address - the utterly mundane."

Take a moment and read it sometime! You won't regret it. 

[ http://paultripp.com/articles/posts/ringing-in-the-new-year ]

Here are some of my May Mundanes. 

I've sort of kept my flowers and plants alive. This is the best they've looked- it was the day we brought the little beauties home! ;) 

Kyle found some "good" soap at Whole Foods that smells heavenly and will help us stretch the liquid soaps! [The scent name is Sunshine!]

I'm also learning to use leftovers! It's a real struggle. ;) 

Kyle and I had a date night once a week. And plenty were at the Lookouts Games! One of which, we got to see the best pitcher in the major leagues! [the first two pictures are from the end of April...oops! It was basically May, right? ;) ]

And some dates were at home! He's a master griller now! ;) 

  

My Momma's graduation [<-----read about her story there!] brought us together for celebration of her hard-work and the Lord's grace given to her and our family- in all of our trials, heart-ache, and reconciliation. Such redemption our Savior gives! 

And on the same day, we sent off my brother and his sweet, girlfriend to her prom!

We also got to play and love our nephews and niece TWICE! [in Cookeville & Georgia, at Memom's!] Such fun! We love those little ones. And our dear, family! 

And Dooley had tons of fun, too! Especially, at Aunt Laura's Cheerio party! Just not the traveling part...

We also hosted Robert and Patricia [my lovely in-laws!] Mother's Day weekend! We had a great time of fellowship and Chattanooga Market Fun!

We were also reminded how much we love our community in Chattanooga. They truly are family and beautiful pictures of Christ. And I LOVE their souls filling our home every Thursday! 

Then to end the month, my body decided to be cute and have an allergic reaction to something and I almost died. Not really. But a burning throat, fever, rash, then throat closing up and tongue swelling was not in my Friday plans! ;) But oh, how thankful I am for the Lord's sovereignty, even in that scariness! My coworkers were so caring, and I'm truly thankful for Epi, Steroid, and Benadryl shots and the knowledgeable medical staff that treated me! Sweet mercies, for sure. 

We're spending the last day of the month in our hometown for a wedding! I'm finding myself missing this place more and more- every day. 

It definitely makes me so thankful for the little things. Even for a tree that I always anticipate to see on the drive here. [Even a tree can be a reminder of how precious life is.] And how we can truly live a full life- with Christ providing that fullness! Yes, fullness in the mundane. Yes, fullness in the midst of chaos. 

Even in the mundane, we can find peace- we can find true joy. Our life has big moments, but like Paul David Tripp reminds us, our life is made up of more little mundane moments than the big ones. And as hard as that can be sometimes, it can be embraced. It can be welcomed. At least in the best ways that we can...

Because [The Lord] is in the mundane, too.