Awake My Soul

As I sit here, in my 3rd floor apartment living room, looking out across the tree tops at the drizzling rain, I'm ignoring my sleepiness and getting hard-core at 9:00.

I'm trying really hard to listen.

I'm trying really hard to be strong.

I'm trying really hard to be "in-tune" with Him.

The funny thing is- I think I'm trying too hard.

I'm in a season in life where I feel helpless. I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I'm misplaced. Most everything is going against what I ever thought or dreamed I'd be doing (minus being married...we all know that was number one on the list!).

My hopes and dreams feel as far away as the stars. But yet, I keep forgetting who spoke the stars into existence, who made my dreams, and most of all who made me.

In all this, I'm making myself the most important thing in my life. And that's how I'm trying too hard.

Christ doesn't expect our version of being "successful," our version of always  listening well, always being strong, always be "in-tune" to Him. Our ways aren't always his ways.

He knows we'll fail. Yet his love for us abounds. 

He doesn't expect a checklist. He doesn't expect legalism. He doesn't expect perfection.

But, so often, we do.

All he wants is us. 

Not just in the morning- during our devo, not just at meals- when we pray, not just at night- when our head hits the pillow...

He wants all of us. 

He wants every little moment- every smile, every word spoken, every hug given.

He wants every big moment- every angry outburst, every tear cried, every ugly sin.

He wants it all. 

He wants us.

My hopes and dreams are big. But I'm not making a checklist. I'm writing them down, but I'm allowing for interruption.

An interruption that, in Christ, I can be ready for.

My prayer is this: Awake my soul. 

Awake my soul for you- so I'll reach for you instead of the stars.