Life Is A Gift

It never fails- being sick reminds me of my humanity, that I'm far from perfect. It never fails to show the little blessings and comforts I can find in the midst of being physically weak. And it never fails to show the magnitude of which I was created- of which we were all created.

We were created in the image of the One who created it all. Every hair on our head is counted. Every finger and toe unique to each one of us. And every heartbeat, a rhythm & reminder of life that is continually breathed into us.

Every life is precious to Him- even in the imperfections, sicknesses, & sins.

And so should every precious life be to me. 

Today, don't forget to show people His love & compassion. Don't forget to give His grace & encouragement.

Even in brokenness.

Treat people as a gift. Not because of who they are, but because of who created them & because of who He is. 

{Matthew 10:30}

To Be Known

One of the deepest desires in life is to be known- to be loved. Sadly, love tends to be commercialized- distant or completely misunderstood.

For some people, love is a distant dream, harsh words, or a fist to their flesh. 

One of the deepest desires of my heart, is for every living, breathing soul (animals included!) to feel unconditionally loved.

I seriously have a “love detector” (for lack of what to call it!). I’m keenly aware of hearts around me. 

Sometimes it’s a blessing.

Sometimes it’s weighty.

And yet, I know the weight He felt on the cross was a million times heavier.

Conviction- So often, I don’t listen to what the sweet, saving, prompting Spirit is leading me to do.

Confession- I often don’t know what to do or feel capable! So, I do nothing.

But, thankfully, there’s grace. There’s always grace.
And in that grace, people still need love. People still need Jesus.

There are ways to move past awkward moments, schedules, and not knowing what to do.  

And I’m determined. 

To be intentional. 

To take the time time. 
To incorporate.

To encourage. 

To show people, real, true, unconditional love.

Love that doesn't have expectations. Love that doesn't come with a "schedule". Love that doesn't make people feel like a project. 

We all can.

And even though our love is imperfect, we are capable- only because His love is perfect, only because He makes us capable.

And even though this world is broken, even though it will never be perfect- we can make a difference. 

So where do you start?

Start with your neighbors- your surroundings! 

Thanks to a thoughtful friend, I was reminded to take this holiday season as an opportunity to connect with our new neighbors! She made little bags of homemade candy, but because I've been sick (and never made candy before), I decided on a few of my favorite, simple things- a note, and an inexpensive ornament.

I’m not placing expectations. I’m simply praying for opportunities, and taking them. 

And that’s what I want to continually do. 

Because we are known by Him. Because He first loved us. {1 John 4:19}

Unseen Gifts

After starting a full-time job again, I began to realize how selfish I became with my time. I began to realize how little I had left to give at the end of the day. Everyday chores that I loved to do for my little family became dreaded tasks that I didn't have time for. Even blogging became one huge writer’s block. I became somewhat bitter- I wanted to find joy in everything, but I felt like I didn't have enough time or energy. Ultimately, I started to realize I was shutting down and sinning in my own, somewhat secret way. And one evening a few weeks ago, my soul woke up and surrendered in a BI-LO parking lot.

Have you ever gone grocery shopping in the after-everyone-gets-off-work time? Gosh. It’s like a fight-for-your-life-down-every-aisle type of experience. Honestly, I felt like I was risking my life by crossing the aisle for a can of peanuts. I even found myself huffing and puffing when I grabbed a gallon of milk and a bag of frozen green-beans (I mean, who does that!?).  In a way, it’s comical, but more than anything, it’s sad. It’s sad that people can act so inhumane- like others around them don’t even exist. A simple smile or polite “excuse me” didn't even phase them. I felt invisible.

After leaving the store with a huge pity-party going on in my heart (I’m talking party-hats and the whole shebang) - I paused:

How many times have I been that inhumane person?

How many times have I ignored people around me?

How many times have I given nothing to someone that needed anything?

Truth: more times than I can count. 

Loving others can be exhausting. Being relational can be exhausting.

But, that’s what we were created to do. That’s what we were created to be.

And when I selfishly hoard time that isn’t even mine (it's His!), make relationships about me, and allow myself to relationally shutdown- I not only create selfishness and exhaustion,  I create a kingdom that serves me, instead of a kingdom that serves Him.

Praise the Lord, His grace and love still abounds in it all.

Loving others doesn't require you to have a part-time job instead of a full-time job- it doesn’t require you to add a billion things to your schedule- it doesn’t require a huge scene with recognition- loving others is simply this: taking your eyes off of yourself, and giving moments of selflessness- moments that show love…moments that reveal Jesus, even when His name isn’t spoken.

Little moments can make big impacts.

A smile, letter in the mail, breakfast or coffee date where Truth is spoken, or even a soggy, wet note on a car from a friend on a rainy day, can be impactful- it can become a part of their healing process, a part of their story. And it can become a part of yours too. 

So look past the grumpiness, look past the smiles- we have no idea what their hearts are facing in that moment.

Give to others anyway.  

Even the unseen gifts are just as important to give. 

Galatians 5:13-15 

He is Hope

So often, I forget that hope isn't as far away as it sometimes seems. That even in the midst of my hardest days, my ugly sinfulness, my betrayal- He is right there. And hope is at my reach. 

He is at my reach. 

And by grace, his love is right, there.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.  And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. (Hosea 14-15)

"And I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know The Lord." (Hosea 19-20)

I am Gomer everyday in so many ways. But He still brings me into His presence, speaks out of the overflow of His love, & gives me hope- daily!

He betroths me to Him in righteousness, justice, steadfast love, mercy, & faithfulness- not because I deserve it, but because He is who He says He is! 

He is all those things. 

And He lovingly takes away my sin & shame. For I shall know Him & I am His forever. 

He is Hope.

When You Fear Freedom

The heart & mind are easily held captive. 

By thoughts. 

By actions.

By expectations. 

To this, I am no stranger. 

My thoughts aren't always pure. I often allow my desire for control to take over. 

My actions aren't always kind. I can be immature with the best of them. 

My expectations can be based on what others might see.  Rules & laws can tend to be a checklist for my self-righteousness. 

And even though, I can recognize these sins, and even though,  I'm being restored, I still have moments of captivity. I still keep certain sins hidden deeply inside- tucked safely away so nobody can see. 

I fear what my ugliness will reveal. 

I fear of ruining my self-built reputation. 

I fear disappointment. 

I fear freedom.  

And even though I know the gospel is freedom, I easily forget. I easily revert to selfishness. 

I need reminding that I have freedom in Christ- freedom to be honest.

To be real- even when it's messy.

To be loving- even when it's hard. 

To be free- even when I'm afraid. 

I need reminding that hiding my flaws affects others & not just me.

I need the real. 

We all do. 

I often wonder this- {If we continue to create a culture of perfection, will we continue to create a culture of fake Christians?} - Christians that say what their "supposed" to say and put on "Sunday-Faces," because that's just what's expected, instead of freely living in His grace, mercy, & love. 

What's the answer? 

I don't pretend to fully know, I don't pretend everyone's heart is convicted the same, but for me, it's this: 

We need to continually create a community of truth- a community that accepts honesty & extends grace. 

We need to continually create a culture that lives like His love covered it all- a culture that loves no matter what. 

Friends, His love is a love that can handle our honesty & His grace is a grace that is sufficient.  

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Do you fear true freedom? 

Do you fear being honest?

Do you fear disappointment?

Whatever your fears, whatever your struggles, {you can find freedom in the gospel}.

From a Savior bigger than your fears.

A Savior who perfected love & loves you. 

A Savior that lovingly continues to restore you, even through your mess. 

A Savior that sets the captive free. 

1 John 4:18

" There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

Giving Back

Today's featured post is all about giving back. {And if you've noticed, there's an Africa theme going on! Which was unintentional, but I'm going to keep it going through October!}

Rob is a dear friend of ours. And his story is one that absolutely inspires & convicts me to my core. He gets it.

After quitting his job, and going to Africa for 10 weeks- working, playing, and loving on the poorest of poor, he's decided to give back. He's decided that he can make a difference. And we can make a difference too.

Rob has started a 2 month fundraiser (43 days are left!) that anyone can become a part of. He's prompting us to make daily lifestyle changes that really make us think- it's made me think about all the unnecessary things that I buy. So instead of just giving extra (which of course, you can still do!), these lifestyle changes can, in turn, help provide education to children who need it (& know they need it), without causing our budgets to go over. To sum it up- it's a beautiful way to give. And it's not just a lifestyle change it's a heart-change.

Photos were approved and used from https://www.facebook.com/robert.rose.104?

Life is so much bigger than us. And we can daily live it that way. 

If you're able to, click here to help with the fundraiser! And whether you can give or not, please take time to share this! Either one can help Rob reach his goal!

I'm Not a Momma

We're waiting.

This may be the "new normal". I'm not sure. But children aren't in the picture yet. And hey, what is normal, anyway?

The hubby and I are in the right season for us- parenting our unbelievably cute mini dachshund (we're not biased, at all!), who is seriously like a toddler, and building a firm foundation for our marriage.

I do desire a little bundle of joy- the unconditional love & wisdom that motherhood brings. That intensity & desire grows deeper each day. 

And even though it's not our time, I sometimes have moments of impatience. I become restless for the next season- the next chapter to come. And it's not always for the right reasons. 

I see children look to their parents, with a love that no one else in the world has for them. I remember the love that I have for my Mom and Dad. And I see parents that have immense wisdom- an influence on society that I can't give. What. A. Gift. 

And those are my "wrong" reasons.

I know it's impatience. And some selfishness! 

And for once, I can admit that. In the past, not so much- for example, my hubby knew we weren't ready for marriage, straight out of school. I'm admitting it, right here, right now- this is a big deal, people! He was right. 

I was impatient for marriage. I wanted what most of my Bible college friends had. I wanted to be a wife to Kyle. It wasn't a bad desire, but my desire took over my soul. And I couldn't see the bigger picture. I couldn't see that Kyle still loved me, even though we weren't married yet. I couldn't see that I missed out on building relationships & learning from married women in the Johnson community & in life all around me. I was blinded by jealousy & pride. 

I don't want to repeat those sins.

Through reflecting on all my ugliness & all the beautiful things the hubby and I get to look forward to- I am ever so sweetly steered to Truth.

“Where's your focus, Megan?”

“Does the Gospel depend on your wisdom?”

“Does the Gospel depend on you being a mom?”

{No, no, & no.}

Talk about going to my knees and seeking forgiveness!

In that forgiveness, I was reminded of this:

It's okay to be where we are. 

It's okay to seek love & wisdom- to think about the next season.

But I shouldn't forget the present.

I have love & wisdom to offer. It’s not the same that mommy-hood brings, but it’s there. And most importantly it’s Christ-given- it’s been written on my heart, & ingrained in my bones.

It's the Gospel. 

And even though my days aren’t yet filled with precious giggles, sweet baby toes & fingers, hugs & kisses, dirty diapers, throw-up, and sometimes screaming, no-nap kiddos, I can love & learn. 

I can love, learn, & live in the present- where, by grace, I am at right now:

To love on my hubby & Dooley.

To love on our nephews, niece, & children around us. 

To rest in the wisdom that God has given me.

To know that it's okay to desire.

To know that God knows my desires. 

To be teachable. 

To ultimately, just love others & live out my story.

I look forward to the wisdom I’ll receive in the future- whether through birthing, adopting, or both.

I'm not a momma, yet.

But for now, I pray and seek to be humble…to keep learning from the mommies around me (even the ones with miles between us- my incredibly strong & wise grandmothers, mother, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, Aunts, & Cousins!)…to pray for my husband- his future role as father and for the fathers that will speak into him.

And that we can all speak into each other’s lives- children, no children, married, or single- whatever season we're in.

We can all learn from each other.  

So wherever you are in life- know this:
You have your own story & seasons, written with His wisdom & given to you, to live-out and share.

You are not discredited!

You have purpose, where. you. are. 

Restoration & Worship

I'm still processing some intense realizations from Sojourn's service yesterday. I'm still reflecting. I'm still being renewed.  

I keep thinking about patterns in my daily life- when I mess up, when I seek forgiveness, and when I worship. 

I've found, more often than not, I seek to make myself feel better about what I've done. 

It's consuming- apologizing relentlessly and doing anything to show the person(s) that there's remorse and the desire to make things right. 

Or sometimes, I just suppress wrongdoings. 

It's easy to justify. It's easy to ignore things that can be internalized. 

Ultimately, it's easy to neglect the not so fun part- the possibly hard & ugly stuff, and skip straight to the fun- the celebration, the worship. 

The reality- restoration and worship isn't something we just receive and do- It's something we live out.

This restoration...this worship- it's life. And it's much deeper than just asking for forgiveness and praising what God has done for us. It's seeking renewal, changing our hearts, and celebrating our acceptance.

Psalm 51 is a Psalm that David wrote with great intensity, remorse for his sins of adultery and murder, and then celebrated the abundance of grace, mercy, & deliverance that God gives. It's a Psalm that, in the past, I would just read a few verses out of- a Psalm that reading the entirety of it, just rocked my worship world (funny how that works).

So often I just go through the motions and celebrate who God is, without allowing who He is, and what He did to change me. I tend to skip to celebration without recognizing my sinfulness, embracing his mercies, & remembering the crazy, amazing truth that He canceled my debt. 

We need renewal...

Not in order to worship, but because that's why we worship. 

Because it's a renewal that doesn't come from our own ideas of atonement, but His atonement- His deliverance!

It's so easy to try- to create our own system of canceling our debts, but the reality is, those things will never cover our transgressions- they will never renew our hearts. They will only keep us in a cycle of emotional highs and major let downs.

But relinquishing our control will reveal true restoration & worship. It will reveal a love that won't abandon us. A love that contains grace & mercy that, in the words of our pastor, is weightier than the weight of our sins!

So we can live life "in our acceptance, instead of for our acceptance." - Rusty Mckie

{That is something to celebrate!}

So, with all of our abilities, and God-given desires, we can seek renewal & celebrate the changes that he does in us.

It's a restoration to delight in. A restoration to worship. 

Psalm 51: 6-15

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, 

and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. 

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me and I shall be whiter than snow, 

let the bones you have broken rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins, 

and blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, 

and renew a right spirit from me. 

Cast me not away from your presence, 

and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

and sinners will return to you. 

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,

O God of my salvation,

and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 

You can read all of Psalm 51 here! 

Mocha Club

This is my first "featured" post!

Where you'll find people and organizations that inspire, give, and love!

People and organizations that, even though they're not perfect, strive for justice.
People and organizations that can inspire and help us do the same.

I thought it made sense for the first feature to be an organization that's been a part of my life for almost 6 years. 

An organization that makes much of their gifts and resources.
An organization that I seriously just love & don't talk about enough. 

Mocha Club first came to my attention at a Dave Barnes concert, my freshman year of college.

There was a table set up at the entrance of the concert, advertising a free CD with a commitment to give monthly. The sweet girl behind the table said, "only give up a few mochas a month." To be honest, the idea of giving up any coffee didn't sound appealing, especially for a college student, but giving just $7 monthly for safe drinking water in Africa and getting a new CD really sounded like a deal.

Little did I know, I was committing to something so much bigger than giving up a few cups of coffee.

It's something that changes people's lives- something that changed mine.
It's something that my husband and I still give to 6 years later.

And not only do they provide clean drinking water, they provide education, economic freedom, health care, and orphan care!

They also have some pretty awesome music sponsors & scarves to purchase, too!

  This is one of the first scarves they sold- made by a woman in Africa, that provided income to support her family. 

So, if you're looking to expand your giving, or even just people to commit to pray for, click on the link, and take a look at Mocha Club!

I know your heart will be refreshed.

It's Here!

Welcome to the new blog! I am beyond excited for the new additions. 

Honestly, the word excited just doesn't even come close to the joy I'm feeling! 

And I might need someone to pinch me. 

My dreams and desires are slowly coming true- to inspire, share people's stories, and spread the Truth, love, & beauty that exists all around us. 

The love that can exist in us. 

Because we all have a story.

And we all can find ways to inspire and love others, because of our stories. 

Because of His love & His story. 

I am truly overjoyed to share this journey with you- and I hope you'll join me.

{Just a side note- my links will have the specific posts under them soon! I haven't had the chance to label them yet!}

And if you're curious, my cute blog was designed by Megan from Cutest Blog on the Block! I adore it. 

Changes

I love the little reminders we get from simple things in life.

This tree is radiating truth- the promise of new life, new beginnings, new seasons, protection, and beauty! 

I'm so excited about this new season. 

I'm taking a leap of faith and being open to the outcome- with months of prayer, dreaming, and discerning, there's going to be new additions to my blog! 

Be on the look out! 

A Letter to My Husband

Dear Husband,

Today, you have my words.

Choosing you, was the best decision I've ever made.

The hardest, but the best.

We've been married for 1 year and 7 months.
We've been engaged for 2 years and a month.
We've been dating for 7 years and 3 months. (3 years, we were far, far a part.)
We grew up in the same church- since I was born and you were 4.

We've grown a part, grown close, and changed in ways we couldn't have dreamed.
We've taken on this life together, and we're always changing.

Some people told us the first year of marriage would be the hardest...

I'm glad we took that as a challenge. 

We made that our prayer.

It was an adjustment, but I'd say, it's been our best year yet.

You put up with my craftiness- 5:00 a.m. wake up calls by my newest project (a section of a fence) crashing down on your head...

You put up with my forgetfulness- loosing the bottle of Ibuprofen, only to find it in the dinning room hutch (I guess I left it there while cleaning?)...

You put up with my job changes- I still can't find one that fits.

You put up with my sometimes childish behavior- I still sneak in a silent treatment here and there.

You put up with my complaining- I do have weird things that happen to me...

And you put up with my failures- all my sins and all the times I don't love you well.

Through it all- you've been patient and prayerful...you've been my provider and protector...you've been my leader and lover.

You've been Christ.

And through it all- it's not that you've "put up" with me, it's that you love me. 

No, you're not perfect- you have your moments too.

But this letter, this is to thank you, because I don't do it enough.

Each day, I get the gift of waking up and being your partner.

I get the joy of ironing your shirts, packing your lunches, pouring your to-go coffees, and giving you goodbye kisses.

You've never once asked. You've never once placed those expectations on me.

But, I gladly do them. I cherish them.

No, I'm not slaving away to the typical "house-wife" stuff- I'm using my gifts to give life!

And I wouldn't trade each one for anything.

I wouldn't trade any little, insignificant moment- because they're all significant. 

Yes, we've only been married for a little over a year, and we don't have kids yet, but we've learned what some people don't learn in a lifetime.

We've learned we're human- love is not a fairy tail.
We've learned we're selfish- we're learning to strive to live selflessly (daily!).
We've learned to be forgiving- we don't just apologize, but ask for forgiveness. We give grace! 
We've learned we're each created differently- we try to celebrate those differences.
We've learned it's not about us- it's about glorifying our savior.

To sum up it up-
We've learned to love when it's easy and love when it's hard.

We have a lot more mistakes to make.
We have a lot more to learn.
We have a lot more love to give.

And we get to do it all- together.

So even though this was the hardest, yet best decision ever- I'm undoubtedly grateful for it. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for us. I'm grateful you chose me. 

And not just today, not just tomorrow- you will always have my words and you will always have me. 

http://www.gretchenrobards.com/

Love Right Where You Are

So today, I woke up with my community burning on my heart.

I woke up feeling an intensity that I've never had before.

Seeing faces of mommies that have lost their precious babies. And seeing humble people and leaders that serve relentlessly to love them.

Seeing faces of sweet children in Africa that are hungry for knowledge, unconditional love, and full bellies. And seeing the compassionate couple that made their dream of a school meeting those needs come alive.

The neat thing- I don't have to travel to Texas or to Africa to impact and love on these people (although, I pray for that opportunity!).

I can do it right here.

I've bought a t-shirt supporting One Heart Africa and pray diligently for every facet of their organization.

Most recently, I committed to 8 weeks of praying for the leaders and mommies of Hope Mommies.

These are people in our church community! They are our "neighbors".

I'm not giving myself a "gold star" here. I'm sharing this to say, we can love right here, right now.

In ways that may seem small, but can do big things.

There's power in prayer. There's power in support. There's power in community.

Your way of support may look different than mine.

And it doesn't always have to stay the same- I pray mine won't stay stagnate, and will grow as my heart and these organizations grow.

That's the beauty of love.
That's the beauty of ministry.
That's the beauty of different seasons in life.

Even though we're involved with a semi-young church plant, it's mind-blowing to see how many gifts, talents, and passions that already exist.

And in that family, there are many ways that our community and world are impacted!

And not just in the typical ways labeled as "missions."

We not only love each other inside our church community, but we also love outside of it. Churched and Unchurched.

That's encouraging.

Encouraging in the sense that we all have been given certain gifts and passions. And we can creatively use those gifts to love on people around us and across the world.

Not matter what the outcome! Love is still present.

That's the Gospel.

As Christ-followers, we shouldn't have the pressure of being involved in everything. We shouldn't have guilt for not always supporting perfectly. We shouldn't have shame for not being personally present in it all.

Why?

Because Christ gives us freedom and grace.

He gives us freedom to love and grace when we fail- to minister in ways that we can most effectively show people His love.

We're all different.

Some like-minded- some not.

But, we're all His body.

Here to love, serve, and grow. 

Here to love right where you are. 

Recharge.

So this little vacay was much needed. We needed to just get away from things.

We needed conversation, laughter, no alarms, and meals shared with close friends.

We needed to just rest.

It's funny how sometimes, you don't realize how much you need something until you do it...

Or how much just stepping away, breathing, and not having to think provides a rejuvenation that you can't explain.

You get recharged.
You get sore stomachs and cheeks from laughing so hard.
You get full- not just from food.
You get warmth from the sun, and warmth in your heart.
You learn people's stories- you realize your own.
You get reminded of what you have.
You get joy.

So often, I forget that I can do that here. I forget that resting doesn't always have to be labeled, planned, and executed as a "vacation". (although, those times are definitely needed!)

You can be recharged by resting in him.

By stepping away and breathing.
By simple coffee dates.
By sharing meals.
By doing the everyday-mundane things.
By enjoying a good book.
By exploring your community.
By just being with your family.

All these things can be restful- by resting in him!

Look for him, today. He's there.

Rest in his truths. Recharge. 

Awake My Soul

As I sit here, in my 3rd floor apartment living room, looking out across the tree tops at the drizzling rain, I'm ignoring my sleepiness and getting hard-core at 9:00.

I'm trying really hard to listen.

I'm trying really hard to be strong.

I'm trying really hard to be "in-tune" with Him.

The funny thing is- I think I'm trying too hard.

I'm in a season in life where I feel helpless. I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I'm misplaced. Most everything is going against what I ever thought or dreamed I'd be doing (minus being married...we all know that was number one on the list!).

My hopes and dreams feel as far away as the stars. But yet, I keep forgetting who spoke the stars into existence, who made my dreams, and most of all who made me.

In all this, I'm making myself the most important thing in my life. And that's how I'm trying too hard.

Christ doesn't expect our version of being "successful," our version of always  listening well, always being strong, always be "in-tune" to Him. Our ways aren't always his ways.

He knows we'll fail. Yet his love for us abounds. 

He doesn't expect a checklist. He doesn't expect legalism. He doesn't expect perfection.

But, so often, we do.

All he wants is us. 

Not just in the morning- during our devo, not just at meals- when we pray, not just at night- when our head hits the pillow...

He wants all of us. 

He wants every little moment- every smile, every word spoken, every hug given.

He wants every big moment- every angry outburst, every tear cried, every ugly sin.

He wants it all. 

He wants us.

My hopes and dreams are big. But I'm not making a checklist. I'm writing them down, but I'm allowing for interruption.

An interruption that, in Christ, I can be ready for.

My prayer is this: Awake my soul. 

Awake my soul for you- so I'll reach for you instead of the stars. 

You are Chosen

So, last weekend, my little sister got married! It was the most perfect weekend anyone could have ever asked for. I have never seen her so in charge!

She had it all together and wasn't even nervous.

I have never been more proud of her. I have never been more honored to be her sister.

Maybe that's why I was an unbelievable basket-case!

I literally began crying at the smallest things (on Wednesday...WEDNESDAY- it wasn't even the wedding day!)- like when I packed to leave, when I drove by the little local shop in Chattanooga where we bought our dresses, while she got her nails done, while standing in the church parking lot when her amazing best friend, Hailey, asked me how I was holding up, and if you were at the wedding, I'm sure you noticed I cried walking down the aisle and maybe the entire ceremony. Yeesh.

I can't explain why.

I didn't expect to be so emotional.

I also didn't expect God to speak to me, right before I spoke at their rehearsal dinner.

I was nervously going through what I was going to say in my head (I'm not one for public speaking!), and it hit me...

We did not choose to be sisters, but we choose to be best friends.

God, sovereign in all his grace and mercy, placed us together...as sweet (not so sweet, on my end, when we were itty bitty!) sisters.

But we choose to daily love each other- to have a friendship that not all siblings have.

{I can proudly say that about our brother and parents, too.}

As I sat there, around the beautifully decorated, round, bridal party, table (eating a piece of insanely good cheesecake) my mind wondered from conversations and turned into a home video.

I couldn't help but think back to all the little "sister moments" I cherish- all the dressing up, "clogging" (stomping in our church shoes...) shows in the kitchen, mornings playing barbies, summers eating watermelon on the back porch, running through the sheets that were hanging up to dry, hair-pulling and fingernail scratching fights, and welcoming our little brother into our crazy, fun-loving, sibling club.

Needless to say, it was a short, tear-filled speech.

I still can't believe we are both married...and our brother is a Sophomore in college!

Be still my heart. 

To be honest, I'm still emotional and still in denial.

How does time go by this fast?

Why didn't life come with a slow-down button?

What about a rewind button?

So I could go back and not wish away those little moments...so I could change those times I didn't appreciate things.

-I can already tell, I'm going to be that sappy parent when we have kids!

So much in life is like this. We don't always choose to be where we are, or choose to be placed with certain people, but regardless, we find ourselves there- we find ourselves being thankful...or not realizing what's in front our faces...or begging for whatever it is to be gone.

No matter what season, there are choices we make.

I didn't choose to be the daughter of Lisa and Tim. I didn't choose to be the sister of Maicie and James.

{He did. And I'm forever grateful- I wouldn't have it any other way.}

But I choose to love them.

Jason and Maicie chose each other. They choose to love each other daily.

Kyle and I chose each other. We choose to love each other daily.

And no matter how badly I want it, there is not a slow-down button.

There is not a rewind button.

You may want those buttons, or even a fast forward button.

Whatever your life looks like, remember this- you are chosen, by the one who chose it all.

You are his adopted child. You are his bride. He pursues you.

In all your imperfections.

You may not understand why, or what for...

But thankfully, it's not about understanding- it's about how you choose to respond, who you choose to be, and who (and how) you choose to love.

It's about being Jesus.

It's about choosing to be like him:

When you feel loved and accepted- Love. Be Jesus.

When you aren't loved back- Love anyway. Be Jesus.

When you don't feel like giving grace and mercy- Give it. Be Jesus.

When you feel like being selfish. Be selfless. Be Jesus.

I am so thankful for these choices- whether in the lily fields or in the quick sand.

And for his grace- because I will mess it up.

And for my family- blood related and not...

They have loved me well and have loved me when I am unlovable.

That is life-giving...that is the Gospel.

Loving the imperfect, imperfectly.

We may not see the purpose or value in it at first, but in the right time, and when we allow him to, he will reveal the beauty and treasures in those moments and relationships.

I want to wake up every day, breathe in the goodness of him, be his bride (not just Kyle's), and choose to love and take in the life that he has placed around me.

Wherever you are, breathe in his goodness. Be his bride. Choose to love this crazy, unexplainable (at times), beautiful life. Take it in. Cherish it all.

You are chosen.